Loves Me, Not
by keitashizai
Summary: Inspired by a tumblr post that went something like "oikawa: iwa chan do you you really love me?; iwaizumi: no youre a[nnoying]... -mazing i am so blessed to have you as my boyfriend". But instead of fluff this ended up being angst with fluff at the end.


/ this doesn't really follow the original story, this is more of like an au but not really, basically second/third season never happened.

* * *

It's common knowledge that Oikawa Tooru is a low-key narcissist, though those who know him would disagree: he's an all out, high as-a-brownie key, not even _trying_ to be subtle, narcissist. His own room is covered in posters and other merch with his, as he puts it, irresistible, face splattered all over them, with the (weak) excuse that "it's just the gifts I receive from my fan club weekly". In short, those who watch Oikawa Tooru from the stands see him as Prince Charming; his team can barely put up with him (or so they say); and Iwaizumi Hajime sees him as the insecure leader with a mask on, though that doesn't stop him from bullying his best friend and captain.

Today's practice feels somehow different: Oikawa is less vocal about how the ball practically mended with the floor from his serve, and doesn't comment on his tosses and receives; instead, his focus is on his juniors and fellow third years.

"That was great, Kindaichi!"

"Try to hit the ball a bit harder, Kunimi!"

Even the surprising, "You've been serving less outs lately, Mad Dog-chan."

And yet throughout all the encouragements, not a single one was directed to the vice-captain, as well as Oikawa's glances to the side; almost like he was ignore Iwaizumi's existence. But no, he still tossed to him, patted him on the back (although it was more on instinct, since Oikawa's hand less than lingered, and their eyes never met); maybe he was just afraid of putting the ace in a bad mood, somehow, which didn't make sense in Iwaizumi's head either. _If he doesn't want to put me in a bad mood, and for me to hit him, shouldn't he be trying to kiss my ass as much as possible?_

As ethical as it is to worry about a team mate, it's not ethical when you're practicing a serve and hit said team mate in the face, which makes a painful sound at the impact that is too disturbing to describe.

Immediately _are you okay_ 's flood in from everyone, except Kyoutani, and maybe Kunimi is just saying it too quietly with a blank expression and motionless lips, and Iwaizumi who's already steering his best friend away from the worried eyes of other with a _I'll take him to the nurse_. He drapes, or rather is about to, the other's arm over his shoulders, which said other refuses with a weak slap at the hand, but a slap is a slap nevertheless. That's it, that's the last straw, Iwaizumi thinks, _He didn't even apologize._

"What the hell is up with you today?" It takes everything in the vice-captain not to shout at the gloomy third year, who's still avoiding looking at Iwaizumi as if he's the sun on a clear day (which, as romantic as it sounds, tugs at Hajime's chest in a weird sort of way), and who's still walking ahead, even though it's pretty clear that they're supposed to stop and talk. Iwaizumi stops, because maybe Oikawa will stop too and not leave the other behind.

Finally, his actions are somewhat predictable, since he does stop, and does turn to face Iwaizumi, even if his eyes haven't really caught up with the rest of his body. "Iwa-chan,"

Oh, he's waiting for encouragement to go on. "What is it, Shittykawa?" Maybe if he said it a moment earlier it wouldn't cause Oikawa's face to scrunch up a bit, but it was the perfect long-ish pause to make him finally look up.

"Iwa-chan, do you really love me?"

Where the hell did that come from? Hajime isn't sure if he said it out loud or not, but Oikawa hears it nonetheless.

"Forget it." _Stop, that smile is so fake, it's annoying._ "You know you still haven't apologized for this, Iwa-chan." Oikawa points at his, as he puts it, irresistible, face, which Iwaizumi just now notices looks weird... Oh, that's just blood.

Blood?

"Shit, your nose is bleeding." All too sudden Iwaizumi is too close to Oikawa, who has been trying to avoid this exact situation since waking up in cold sweat this morning, or rather night-borderline-morning.

"Tip your face forward and cover your face with your shirt, don't make someone else clean up your blood off the floor Shittykawa." It shouldn't, it doesn't actually, sound so bitter coming from Iwaizumi, the insult. But Oikawa has put up a filter on his ears that intensifies every bitter, or supposed to be bitter, word from his best friend, but completely tunes out the worries or rare compliments.

 _Suck it up._

"Then you're washing my shirt later, Iwa-chan." Oikawa smiles, though it doesn't reach his eyes, and does as he was told. Iwaizumi doesn't agree, nor disagree, just puts an arm over his best friend's shoulders and leads him as fast as is appropriate when someone got hit in the face and started bleeding from their nose.

The nurse checks the captain for any brain damage, which the vice claims was there already, and after letting (forcing) him sit and wait for some of the blood to drain, lets the two go with some tissues for the inconsistent dribble of blood from Oikawa's, once again, _irresistible_ face.

On the walk back, which for some reason takes longer than before, Oikawa is the one to stop, while Iwaizumi takes a few more steps before getting the memo.

Maybe if the weight of a question asked a little time ago wasn't still looming on them like a thunder cloud, he'd ask _You gonna say somethin' or what?_ with just a bit of bitterness on the tip of his tongue, or rather constant annoyance at the, as we established earlier, narcissistic captain. But if he was to put even a grain of salt into the solution, it's obvious the mixture would boil and spill and burn your skin, no written warning needed.

So he gives Tooru all the silence he needs, maybe even a little too much of it, because now it's not just blood it's tears.

"Oika-?"

"Hajime."

 _Do I say something? He's been avoiding me all day, if I hugged him would that be weird? He'd push me away, wouldn't he? I'm weird. He'd hate me. He hates me._

It's not clear whose thoughts those are, or maybe they're just some third party's unneeded contribution, because despite those unspoken words the two boys, no, the two men go ahead and hug, full on embrace each other. Despite the distance from their ears to their chests, their heartbeat is like the elephant in the room. Despite the half-dry blood on Oikawa's face and the almost two inches he has over Iwaizumi, the latter still pulls the former down to fit his face in the intersection of his shoulder and neck. Despite not giving in to the temptation nearly all day, Tooru crumbles at the scene.

"Hajime."

 _Tooru._

"Hajime.

 _Tooru._

" _Hajime._ "

"Yes?" He's not even sure if he said the question, the occasional sob and the unbearable sound of their hearts beating in almost-unison, that just makes Hajime's faster (which ends up matching Tooru's), so ridiculously loud.

"Hajime, do you love me?"

That much is obvious.

"Then please say it out loud. I," He pauses to let out a tiny cry. "I had a dream, no, nightmare, last night, and it, it, oh God, Iwaizumi, Iwa-chan, _Hajime_ , I'm awful, I'm disgusting, I'm, I don't deserve you."

It takes some time to find the right words to the confession. "Yeah, I find you pretty annoying. You're a narcissist, and still still haven't beaten Ushijima. Kageyama has natural talent while you have to work your ass off." That sob just now was just a little bit louder, tugs a little harder at Hajime's heart, speeds it up just a beat faster. So he runs his fingers through Oikawa's sweat-dripping hair, rests his cheek on his friend's temple. "But none of those are reason enough for me not to love you, Tooru."

The cries and sobs and ugly sniffing noises fill the otherwise empty hall, but they're just as empty, and don't tug on Iwaizumi's heart as much.

"I as-ked yo-u to say i-t pro-pe-rly."

Hajime smiles. "Nah, you didn't. Just to say it out loud. You didn't ask me to say _I love you, Tooru_ , and by the way, you don't have to tell me twice."

All the romance movies and novel Oikawa has read, he decides, are lies, because they say (lie) that those words are the most important ones you'll ever hear, so there has to be build-up, tears, unsure confessions that are capable of breaking friendships of several years. Which there are, those are all true, the first time, at least. But after you repeat those words five times, twenty, hundreds and thousands of times, they're not that important. There's far more important words than that, and they should only be uttered once in your life.

"Can I spend the rest of my life with someone as amazing as you, Iwa-chan?"

"No. It can't be someone, it has to be me, Shittykawa. You can't escape this easily."

 **(Then they fuck.)**

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/i wrote this at 2 am without stopping so there are gonna be plot holes (or as far as plot holes go in a oneshot?) and typos and words out of order but ill deal with that when i give a shit.  
this is my first haikyuu fic, and i didnt feel comfortable writing oikawa or iwaizumi since i havent really even read (cough fanfics coufH) that much about them, but the point of writing is to get outta ya comfort nest and go out there and idk beat up an eagle or something. dont beat up eagles. or rather dont try to. but do get out of your comfort zone.  
this didnt really go as planned, it was supposed to be established relationship and fluff with a bit of angst but ended up being the start of their relationship and angst with some fluff? nice  
also damn daniel that subtle marriage proposal at the end

if uve read this far thank you! and if you, by some slim chance, liked this then please vote and comment how i could improve (or how much you love iwaoi either is appreciated greatly), and remember sharing is caring so recommend this gay shit to a family member or friend or cat.


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